Submitted by Paul 17 May 2006.
I was born in Bulawayo and was adopted shortly after birth, and as far as I can remember ,
I always was told that I was adopted . It was something that played seriously on
my mind for many years , and I am quite sure that there are others out there that know
what I am talking about.
After turning 18 I thought about starting my search , but it is a difficult thing to
do without treading on peoples toes, and a close confident (my Aunt) advised me to try and
deal with any rejection I might be feeling first , and after discussing all the
circumstances that could have been at the time of my birth, I realised that in actual fact
I was not ready to deal with it yet.
At 20 I left home and moved to the UK, I did however go to the social welfare to try my
luck, and submitted a request to get the information on my Birth Parents. No reply came
and every time I was in Zims for my holidays I went in to see them - they lost the letters
I had handed them, they wanted my adopted parents involved, there was a lot of
red-tape!! etc. and the people working there did not seem to want any
"back-handers" - and believe me we tried!!
I had never thought about the internet (to be honest I did not even have a clue
how to use it properly), until a friend of mine came over to the UK and
showed me google etc. And late one night we were searching things!!, and it dawned on
me I could try and search for websites on adoptions. Most were for info or had closed,
however I stumbled across this one, registered, and hoped for the best.
That was in September and the site had only just started, a few weeks later a
close friend of mine in Zims managed through a "friend" to get all of my birth
mothers details, and from that I knew quite a bit about her and that I had an older
sibling , and could work out roughly what had happened around my time of birth - it was a
bit of a relief as I had prepared myself for the worst. I really wanted to know more now,
did I look like my brother etc. My friend knew a very good P.I.
(ex-intelligence) and asked if I wanted him to find them, I really did not know what to do
( you have to think whether they would want to be found ,- and the red tape was
officially put there to protect peoples privacy etc.) I thought I will leave it till the
end of the year, and if nothing comes up on the site, I will get him to find them for
me, even if its just to see what they look like, maybe my father might be
trying to trace me!
One afternoon , in the beginning of December I checked my voicemail - and I had one from
my B.mother. The number she had called from was a South-African one. I then checked my
e-mail and saw that Pam had written to me saying she had found both my biological parents.
I summoned up the courage to call back and my father answered (I did not know it was him
though) , he got my mother on the phone and we had a long chat. She actually later married
my father and were still together. She told me all I wanted to know, and I told her
"what she wanted to hear" (just a joke to make sure you are
concentrating!!!!!!!!!) .I was honest and so was she and we told each other
summaries of our life stories. I was told that I had 2 half brothers and two half sisters
(and if I joined them together I could have 1 brother and 1 sister) - she did not really
say that ,its just a funny thing that crossed my mind!!!
Anyway I could not take in all the info. as it all seamed so overwhelming and I was
too excited to concentrate.
From that day on, we were in touch pretty much everyday up until February , when they came
over to meet me, I had already met my brother who was in London as well as my mothers
brother , and a cousin prior to meeting my parents which , in a way made things a bit
easier.I went and met my parents at the airport - which I suppose is as good a meeting
place as any other! We spent 2 weeks together and I met my other brother in Ireland as
well as my maternal grandfather, aunt and uncle.My friend reminded me to be honest, keep
an open mind, and just be on my best behaviour - which I did, well sort of anyway!
And we all seemed to get on just fine.
I have now come to South Africa, and met my 2 sisters and am staying with my B.parents -
working with my father. My mother met my A.parents and my father will be meeting them this
week.All my A.Family and B.Family have been very good and supportive during this during
this time, and may God bless them all.
Having been here for a couple of months, words can't explain how great it has been - I
could write a book!!!!!!! - I really want to add at this time that giving a child up for
adoption is one of the hardest things to do , and I have only NOW come to realise actually
how difficult it is, and how my parents did it only out of love, and to give me a
better chance in life, and I think it is important for adoptees to realise this before
meeting your parents as it will make things a lot easier for yourself.
I won't bore you too much more, however I would like to add that I do still have a very
extensive network of friends in Zimbabwe that may help you with your search , and if
anyone would like to contact me to share experiences , or to use some contacts you may do
so through Pam
Good luck all and Best wishes
Paul
P.S. I would like to thank Branko and Sally for your guidance and counselling it meant a
lot.And Mark,Tracey,Kumar,Sonja and Rose for your support. |
